Leftover Resentment
by VectorCrocodileFangirl
Summary: /Thane x Garrus/ The war against the Reapers opened a lot of old wounds.


"What the hell was that?"

Thane looked up from his hands, still clasped in the position of his meditation. Garrus stood in front of his table, arms clasped. Thane could never help but stare at the burned gaps in his armour when he saw him, but never at his face. Garrus' scars were just a part of him; his armour and the fact that he hadn't yet replaced it was what was important.

"Please, Garrus. Sit down. There's no need to yell," he said, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk usually occupied by either no one or by Commander Shepard. Garrus smashed his hands on the table instead, causing Thane to jump a little. He quickly righted himself, trying to maintain an air of composure.

"I will yell as much as I want, and don't tell me what to do," he growled. "What you _can_ tell me is why you jeopardized our entire mission back there!"

"I did what I felt was necessary, Garrus," Thane replied calmly, looking the turian directly in the eyes as he spoke. Garrus' anger was practically coming off of him in waves. "The commander clearly agreed with my decision, or at least respected my ability to _make_ that decision. Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

Garrus growled, sneering at the drell.

"Yeah, that's _all I wanted to talk about,_" he replied. "But next time you think about making that sort of decision, think about me _putting a bullet between your eyes._"

The turian stood up straight, his body taut as a wire as he clenched his fists and stormed out of the room; Thane was sure that if the door was more traditional, he would have slammed it on his way out. With a sigh, he leaned on the table again, hands clasped as usual in his meditation. This time, however, he was not meditating; he was instead recalling the events that had Garrus so mad at him.

_A typical mission; pirates had overrun a Cerberus science facility and had taken the technology for their own, technology that would be invaluable in their fight against the Collectors soon enough. Shepard, Garrus and Thane had made a quiet drop into the area, with a strong knowledge of their surroundings making it clear that sniping was the way to go._

_Things had been relatively quiet at the beginning, a few guards getting in the way- nothing out of the ordinary. Eventually Shepard decided it was best for the group to split up, sending Thane up on the higher levels while he took Garrus with him. It was supposed to all be very simple; get into the main computer lab, upload the data to EDI and get out, killing anyone who got in their way. It was meant to be simple._

_Things never ended up simple._

_They had broken out into the computer room, Thane on one side in the maintenance catwalk in the rafters with Shepard and Garrus coming in through the main entrance. From his height and vantage point, the drell had a clear view of the entire room- including the small platoon of armed guards coming in the rear entrance._

"_A group of about twenty, heading your way," he radioed to the other two men, lining up the first shot. Within a second one of the pirates was dead and the others scattered, panicked by the sound of the shot. Across the room, Garrus and Shepard both ducked into cover._

"_Keep us covered, Krios," the commander barked into his headset. Thane's response was to take down another pirate, the one closest to advancing on his turian and human teammates. Everything was going well until one of the pirates managed to slip around the pair and make it to the data cache, where he began remotely uploading the data to their ship while erasing it from the cache itself._

"_Thane!" called Garrus, startling the drell out of his battle sleep. "I can't get a clear shot on the bastard trying to erase the data and Shepard is pinned down, can you get him?"_

_Thane carefully lined up the shot. From here, he had a perfectly clear line of sight to the pirate at the data console. He popped the heat sink, preparing to take the shot._

_Then he saw Garrus out of the corner of his eye._

_The turian was situated behind a shipping crate, doing his best to cover Shepard from a distance. He was so focused on helping the commander in his particular situation that he didn't even notice one of the pirates sneaking up behind him, pistol in hand; he could have already shot Garrus but it was clear that he wanted to get up close and personal before going for the kill, possibly accompanied by some sort of witty one liner. It was a rookie mistake._

_Thane quickly ran his options over in his head; one, follow Garrus' directions and take the shot to take down the pirate, but allow the other to advance on the turian, possibly ending in a fatality or another severe wound. Two, take the shot against the other pirate, the one advancing on Garrus, giving the other ample time to finish clearing the data and get out, thereby ruining the mission and possibly losing the data forever._

_His scope focused on the pirate, and his trigger was immediately pulled back._

Thane snapped out of the memory practically audibly, his pupils fully constricted. He gasped, feeling as though his lungs were being squeezed tightly. His hands clasped, he tried taking deep, slow breaths as his doctors had always instructed. He dragged a hand down his face, sighing deeply.

He'd done the right thing, hadn't he?

* * *

Garrus' storming was usually fairly quiet, with the main battery and surrounding area usually being fairly noisy and drowning him out. Today was not one of his quiet days. It didn't take long for his neighbour to become annoyed.

Up in his room, Commander Cabot Shepard was looking over some paperwork when EDI's holographic image popped up.

"Officer Lawson is outside, requesting permission to enter," she announced. Cabot turned towards her and nodded.

"Let her in, EDI," he said. The door to his room immediately slid open, and Miranda stormed in, arms crossed over her chest. Cabot swivelled his chair in her direction as she stopped in front of his desk area.

"I realize Garrus is a personal friend of yours and I respect him greatly, Commander," she said, her voice laced with venom. "But if he doesn't stop making such a racket I'm going to biotically toss him out the nearest airlock. I have work to do and I can't do that if he keeps storming around in there like he's been possessed."

Cabot inhaled and exhaled deeply, getting to his feed with a little nod.

"I'll go talk to him, okay?" he said. "Just don't toss him out any airlocks until then."

Miranda's hand clenched into fists at her side.

"I can't make any promises."

* * *

Cabot stepped into the main battery, sliding the door shut behind him. Garrus was walking back and forth with a horrific snarl on his face, making noises Shepard had only ever expected to hear coming from the mouths of animals.

"Garrus," he said softly. "I know you're angry about what happened at the lab, but storming around here snarling about it isn't going to make it any better."

"And what do you _suggest_, Shepard?" he snapped. "I could either do this or head back into the life support bay and try to reconcile my problems with the bastard using the barrel of my rifle. Your choice."

"You know you don't mean that, Garrus," Shepard continued. "Thane did what he thought was best. Besides, it's not like the data is gone permanently- The Illusive Man has agents tracking it down as we speak."

"Because I really trust the _Illusive Man's_ motives," he growled, waving a hand in dismissal. "Look, Shepard, I appreciate your concern, but I have to deal with this on my own. And I don't particularly _care_ if that bothers _Officer Lawson_."

"Why is it that whenever you say 'I appreciate your concern, but', it doesn't make me feel any better?"

Garrus' only response was a shrug, wringing his hands as he turned back towards his console. Cabot had no doubts he was going to spend the next few hours calibrating and growling to himself about the problem. He sighed- hopefully Miranda was just joking about tossing him out an airlock.

* * *

Thane stood outside the main battery, his arms crossed and leaning back against the wall. No one seemed to question he presence, he looked perfectly at home- then again, it was rare that anyone _ever_ questioned Thane Krios.

The assassin was actually deep in thought, letting himself get lost in memories of what had happened once more. He'd made the right choice- he knew that. But having Garrus come up to him and openly threaten him because of it was still unsettling. He knew he was just acting based on pure emotion, but it still upset him.

_The pirate advancing on Garrus crumpled to the floor, a large chunk of his head now missing because of Thane's bullet. Garrus whirled around to see the dead pirate, having been started by the sound of the shot; the pirate at the console was similarly scared, it seemed, because he finished wiping the data and ran as quickly as possible from the data cache, signalling to the others that the upload was complete. It took Thane a moment to pop the heat sink and take the shot, but he took the pirate down before he got to the exit- not that it mattered much. The air seemed to shake with the sound of the attached pirate ship taking off._

_His scope focused on Garrus. The turian was staring in disbelief, first at the pirate that had been about to kill him and then at the pirate who had been able to erase the data. His focus then shifted again, staring up at Thane on the catwalk._

_On the other side of the room, Shepard approached the console and pulled up the data cache._

"_They wiped it clean, but they left a trail," he announced over the comm system. "They uploaded it to their ship. They're probably planning to sell it. EDI, can you get a trace on the ship?"_

"_Negative, commander. It has already gone through a mass relay and escaped our range. However, I was able to identify the ship's name and identification code. I am sending it to the Illusive Man as we speak."_

"_Thanks, EDI."_

_Thane let out the breath he'd been holding in since he'd seen the pirate advancing on Garrus. The turian snarled openly into his headpiece._

"_Are you telling me we _lost them_? And all of the data?" he growled._

"_Relax, Garrus," Cabot said gently. "We'll get it back."_

"What are you doing here?"

Thane snapped out of his memory with an audible gasp, having been so absorbed in them that he didn't even hear the door to the main battery opening. Garrus was standing in the doorway, anger once again coming off of him in waves.

"If you came to apologize, I don't want to hear it," he said. Thane looked at him, trying to keep his face void.

"I didn't," he replied. "I came to see if you wanted to try a little target practice."

"Unless _you're_ the target, I'm not interested," Garrus replied. Thane shrugged.

"Okay," he said. "You know where to find me if you change your mind." He stood up straight and fixed his coat, which had bunched up while he was standing against the wall. As he walked back towards the life support room, he heard Garrus exhale deeply through his nostrils, the noises rising from his throat akin to a vicious animal.

"..meet me in the cargo bay in five minutes."

* * *

The cargo bay in the second Normandy had been given the extra purpose of being a shooting range for the squad. Paper targets were set up at one side of the room with absorbent gel on the other side, to keep the bullets from causing any sort of structural damage to the ship. Different colours of tape were stuck to the floor to indicate what distance they were meant to stand depending on what sort of weapon they were using. Thane and Garrus were crouched behind crates at the very back of the room, sniper rifles in hand. They were evenly matched, kill shot for kill shot.

"I saved your life, you know," Thane announced suddenly as he popped the heat sink to prepare another shot. He could see Garrus snarling at him out of the corner of his eye, although the turian was still facing the targets, lining up his next shot.

"I could have handled it," he replied. "If you'd taken the shot like I'd told you to, I could have dealt with the problem myself and it would be one less thing we'd have to rely on the Illusive Man for." Another clean head shot left a perfect hole in the paper target; it was clearly almost time to replace it, as there was little head area _left_.

"I couldn't take that chance," Thane said as he took his own next shot; he aimed a little lower this time, perfectly hitting the area of the human heart. "I would rather play the odds with the data than with your life, Garrus."

The turian's next shot hit the crotch of the target.

"I'm not _incompetent_, you know- I've survived worse than a pirate with a grudge," he growled. "I _can_ take care of myself."

"I know you can, Garrus, and I never said you couldn't," Thane replied. He lined up another shot with his rifle, but didn't take it immediately.

"Then why did you risk the entire mission to save me?"

"Because you remind me of my son."

_Bam_. Perfect head shot.

Garrus opened his mouth to say something, then quickly closed it again. He did this a few times before seeming to find the words he's looking for.

"..your _son_?" he repeated. Thane set his rifle aside, rising to his feet and straightening out his coat. He took a deep breath and nodded.

"I see the same sort of resentment for the world in you as I see in my Kolyat," he replied. "I couldn't protect him from the world, or from himself. I couldn't just stand by with you the way I did with him."

The drell was standing with his fists clenched at his side, biting his lower lip, his dark eyes distant. Garrus got to his feet, setting his rifle aside just as Thane had done.

"Thane.." The words were hard for him to say, considering everything that had happened, but he knew he had to. "..I'm sorry."

He stepped forwards and awkwardly put a hand on Thane's shoulder, his mandibles flaring in embarrassment. The drell responded by covering Garrus' hand with his own, clasping two of his thick fingers tightly.

Garrus took another step forward.

Thane turned towards him.

"Your son?"

"Not- _just_ my son, of course, you- remind me of a lot of things."

Garrus' hand moved from Thane's shoulder to his upper arm, the other hand moving to the other arm. Thane kept his hands floating somewhere between them, unsure of where exactly to put them.

"Would it make- whatever _this _is any less awkward if I told you that you remind me of my father?" he said, his voice quiet and awkward. "Spirits, that just makes it worse, doesn't it? I just mean that you're very- goal oriented. You come up with a code and you stick to that."

"I consider that a compliment," he assured him, his hands finally finding their place on Garrus' waist. The turian cleared his throat, his own hands moving lower to Thane's hips.

"Would you mind telling me how we went from me wanting to put a bullet in your head to _this_?" he asked. Again, his mandibles flared with embarrassment.

"They say we get angriest at the people we care about," Thane replied simply. Garrus' only response was silence as a thousand questions ran through his mind. How had they even gotten to this point when they barely knew each other? Why had it come on so suddenly? What _was_ 'this point', exactly? Where was this going? "You're thinking about this too much."

"What am I _supposed_ to do, then?"

"Just.. don't think."

Thane's hands moved from Garrus' waist to the side of his face, thumbs stroking along the edges of his mandibles. Garrus made a purring noise deep in the back of his throat, closing his eyes and leaning his head into Thane's hand. The drell moved forwards again, until their faces were practically touching.

"Your _son_, you said?"

"If you keep trying to analyze that comparison, you'll hurt yourself."

Without a moment of pause, the assassin pressed a gentle kiss to Garrus' mouth. The turian reciprocated as best as he could, grasping one of Thane's wrists. The hand he wasn't clutching dropped to his chest, scratching lightly at his armour as though it would reveal the turian's hard plating underneath.

The ship's alert noise chimed, causing the two to jump apart with a sudden start.

"Officer Vakarian and Officer Lawson, the commander would like to see you both on deck," EDI announced. Garrus cleared his throat.

"Okay, EDI, I'll be right there," he said awkwardly. There were a few moments of silence before EDI chimed in once more.

"It may interest you to know that there are no official regulations against fraternization aboard a Cerberus vessel, and even if there were, neither of you are technically Cerberus employees- you are listed as being personally employed by Commander Shepard and therefore subject only to his rules," she explained. "There is no need to be discreet or embarrassed."

"There is more to embarrassment and discretion than breaking the rules, EDI," Thane replied. "But thank you for telling us that." The smallest hint of a smile twitched on his lips.

Garrus shifted awkwardly from foot to foot as Thane fixed his coat.

"So, uh, this has been- _interesting_," Garrus said awkwardly. Thane put a hand on his shoulder, trying to be reassuring.

"Why don't we continue this in my room later tonight- after the commander finishes addressing whatever it is he needs you and Ms Lawson for, of course," he suggested. Garrus nodded fervently.

"I'll, uh, yeah. I'll do that. Tonight, then."

He awkwardly cleared his throat again as he took a few steps backwards. He nearly tripped over a crate, prompting him to turn around and practically run to the elevator.

Thane laughed gently.

* * *

Garrus sat in the lobby of Huerta Memorial Hospital, hands clasped together and breathing shallowly. He'd almost hadn't _believed_ Shepard when he told him that Thane was staying here, but he supposed he should have expected it; he had been there when Thane had first told the commander that he was sick (_Dying, _he reminded himself. Thane had told them he was dying) and that knowledge hadn't just disappeared when things had started to happen between the two of them. If anything, it merely inspired denial.

"Garrus? What are you doing here?"

Startled, the turian looked up from his own hands at the drell now standing over his chair. Thane looked handsome as ever, sporting the same deep emotional eyes, but he seemed terribly haggard. His eyes were sunken and his skin was pallid in comparison to the last time they'd seen each other. Garrus got to his feet and looked softly at Thane.

"Shepard told me you were staying here," he replied softly. "I just. Wanted to see you. You didn't reply to any of my messages."

He awkwardly brushed a hand back over his fringe, inhaling deeply. Things had been great between them, early on- before the attack on the Collectors, when the two of them progressed slowly from awkward, fumbling interactions to close, intimate ones. After the two of them parted ways following Shepard's arrest and detention, however, things slowly fell apart. They had tried to keep in contact, but in spite of all Garrus' attempts at doing so, Thane had eventually started to stop replying to his messages.

"I.. didn't think it would be appropriate to contact you, considering the circumstances," the drell explained. Garrus nodded; he didn't believe him, but he didn't want to start a fight immediately after seeing Thane for the first time in a year.

"..how's your stay been?" he asked as they both sat in the chairs facing the windows, a favoured spot of Thane's. The drell nodded slowly as he processed the question.

"It's been.. good," he replied. "The doctors have been kind and attentive. The surroundings are pleasant. It's all I could ask for."

"Liara told me you've been responding well to treatment," he said, sounding both awkward and hopeful. Thane tilted his head questioningly.

"I assume she hasn't been checking up on me of her own desire," he said. Looking ashamed, the turian cast his glance downwards.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he replied softly. "I thought- maybe something had happened, since you weren't replying to my messages."

The two men sat in awkward silence for a few moments. There were so many questions that Garrus wanted to ask, but he didn't want to make Thane feel uncomfortable; he felt like he should be mad but he couldn't bring himself to be.

Eventually, the drell reached over and clasped Garrus' hand tightly in his own. When the turian looked up, there were tears in Thane's eyes.

"..I didn't want you to see me like this," he replied, so quiet that Garrus almost had to strain to hear him. "I told you when this all began that I wanted to protect you the way I couldn't protect my Kolyat, but like this.. as hard as I may try, I can barely protect _myself_."

Garrus turned himself to face Thane, prompting the other man to give him his other hand, clasping both in his own.

"And we still can't be entirely sure that the treatment will work," he pointed out. "It's still experimental, after all, and I thought that- perhaps if I made a clean break, it would hurt less for you if it didn't work."

"Thane, it _will_ work-"

The drell put a hand to Garrus' mouth to silence him.

"You don't know that," Thane said gently. "And you don't need to assure _me_, Garrus. I've come to terms with my condition and what it means in terms of my life span. What's more important to me is how _you_ feel about this."

Garrus inhaled and exhaled deeply, his gaze going down once again. He squeezed Thane's hands tightly.

"I still don't know which of us is the better shot, and it'd be a shame if you died before we could figure that out," he replied. "..so please don't die. Not just yet."

Thane grasped Garrus' talons between his own fingers, both men clinging to each other like they were their only lifeline. In a way, perhaps they were.

"Not just yet, Garrus. I don't quite trust you to fight this war alone, anyway."


End file.
